It’s official now, according to Dear Worldwide Leader’s Joe Schad. We all held out hope that Navorro Bowman would eschew those millions of guaranteed dollars from being a first round pick in the NFL draft and providing financial stability for his kid and mother in order to come back and help PSU defend their Capital One Bowl title. Alas, it was not meant to be…
Speaking of shockers: Wisconsin’s basketball team, a mere 4.5-point favorite, obliterated the Fighting DeChellises to the tune of 63-46 yesterday. Wisconsin’s shooters were given at least a 10-foot cushion at all times to launch their numerous wide open three-point shots, eight of which found the bottom of the net. Wisconsin’s defense also proved to be stifling for anyone not named Talor Battle or DJ Jackson, as they were the only two players who showed any signs of life from a scoring perspective. For those of you keeping count at home, this marks 11 straight victories now for the Badgers dating back to February of 2003. It’s alright though, one of these days..we’ll crack the 50-point barrier against them.
Alright, enough sarcasm. It’s time to switch over to my serious face: Penn State avoided elimination in the Marcus Lattimore sweepstakes, per Adam “McLovin” Rittenberg:
ESPNU 150 running back Marcus Lattimore down to four
Four-star ball-carrier Marcus Lattimore (Duncan, S.C./Byrnes) has eliminated Georgia from contention, ESPN affiliate Web site TheBigSpur.com reports.
The ESPNU 150 talent is now only considering Auburn, Oregon, Penn State and South Carolina.
Lattimore has already completed official visits with the Tigers and Nittany Lions. He plans to visit the Gamecocks on Jan. 15th and the Ducks on Jan. 22nd before announcing his decision February 2nd.
Now, depending on who you believe; either Auburn or South Carolina is the current front-runner for Lattimore’s services. That may be about to change though with JoePa planning on making a pilgrimage to Lattimore’s hometown in South Carolina. Undoubtedly, Joe has the power to change a recruit’s mind, he’s used his special powers before to lure in the Derrick Williams/Justin King recruiting class that pulled the program out of the Dark Years and there’s no stopping him from doing so again..so long as he doesn’t forget to put on his ‘COME TA PENN SHTAAATE’ face.
Stare directly into his eyes, Marcus...Yeah, just like that...Now grit your teeth like a pitbull.
An action shot from the last time PSU beat Wisconsin nearly seven years ago. It is the only recorded instance of Jan Jagla living up to his nickname as "The Berlin Wall"
After a tease of a loss at Minnesota (albeit, a game I never expected us to hang around in), the Fighting DeChellises will make their Big Ten home debut today against Wisconsin. In case you weren’t aware, Wisconsin is one of two teams that Ed DeChellis has yet to clinch a victory against. In fact, you have to go all the way back to February of 2003 to find the last time PSU beat the Badgers, which occurred during Jerry Dunn’s swan song as head coach. Approximately five students stormed the court after the buzzer sounded, one of them carrying a “FIRE JERRY DUNN” sign.
The Badgers are somehow merely a 4.5-point favorite here and I’m not so sure why. Everytime PSU and Wisconsin get together, you can count on the following to happen:
Executing Bo Ryan’s “swing” offense to perfection, Wisconsin milks down 30 seconds of the shot clock while using crisp ball movement, and well-set screens to get themselves a quality backdoor layup or an wide-open perimeter shot
Wisconsin always forces the tempo to their liking (see: snail’s pace), PSU meanwhile makes zero effort to try and speed things up and get Wisconsin out of their comfort zone
Wisconsin emerges victorious (added in 2004)
So, how does PSU end this embarassing futility streak? Simple, Ed DeChellis steals a page from Urban Meyer’s playbook and announces 10 minutes before tipoff that this will be his last game as head coach and that he is stepping down because he’s burned out. Penn State then plays its most inspired basketball of the year and pulls out the shocking upset, the locals storm the court (students are still on break), and at the post-game press conference DeChellis tells everyone “HA, SUCKERS!” and says he’s merely taking a three-day leave of absence, right before the Michigan game this Thursday.
Ah, who the hell am I kidding? Wisky covers the spread, easily. Book it, Danno. BDIA will be doing the same.
This is what Big Ten support is all about, ladies and gentlemen. I’ll also kindly refrain from any incest jokes about Ohio.
Stop me if you’ve heard of this scenario before: Penn State jumps out to an early lead but over the course of the game, fails to capitalize on opportunities to blow the game wide open as the coaching staff goes into a conservative shell, settling for short field goals instead of going for it on 4th and short. The opponent later comes up with just one big play that turns the momentum the other way and ultimately pulls off a come-from-behind win.
Yesterday’s Capital One Bowl appeared to be a rerun of the 2008 Iowa game, right down to the point where LSU had superb starting field position and plenty of time to set up an easy, game-winning field goal for their kicker. Thankfully, LSU has Les Miles as their head coach.
Admittedly, I didn’t even think the game was going to come down to a final drive. No, I figured LSU would continue to pile on the points once they reclaimed the lead on those back-to-back TD drives. I had seen this scenario play out a couple of times against Iowa and Ohio State earlier this year, where we seemed to be in decent enough shape until a couple of big plays swung the tides against us.
So kudos to the seniors, particularly one Daryll Clark, for maintaining poise and keeping a loose pair of wheels* from completely falling off the victory wagon. My lasting image of Clark now will be of him trying to hold back tears as he realized he had gotten his signature win, so congrats to you Daryll: You have finally earned yourself that coveted Keanu Reeves statue.
And all of you Collin Wagner haters (myself included) need to man up and give the kid props where it’s due: We’ve seen him miss kicks from inside of 30 yards this season, add to the fact he was kicking at a hippie-fest field and you have a potential recipe for disaster. Instead, Wagner calmly connected on all four of his attempts, which honestly makes him deserving of a co-MVP alongside Clark.
Last but not least: All you Big Ten/Penn State-hating douchebags at ESPN (you know who you are), eat shit and die. And thank you, Ohio State, for carrying the torch in the Rose Bowl yourselves.
* Check that, it was more like one of the front wheels was already off and creating plenty of sparks.
“I’m sick and tired of hearing about Tigers,” Paterno said. “Where I come from in Brooklyn, we had Lions that ate up Tigers. All of the Tigers were Irish, and all of the Lions were Italians.”
The above quote says it all, if there’s any doubt as to whether this team is going to be fired up to beat down an LSU squad that practically all the giant douches at ESPN are picking to win with comfort, then I pity those poor doubters that are about to be in for a rude awakening. This game will come down to two things: The PSU offense not allowing LSU’s defense to touch Darryl Clark, and LSU’s special teams not getting a chance to shine (i.e. don’t kick the damn ball anywhere near Trindon Holliday’s direction). If those two scenarios come true, look for the good guys to emerge victorious in what could very well be a sloppy, defensive struggle of a contest aided by a wet field.
Oddly enough, victory is exactly what I’m predicting myself. I just have that feeling deep down that a Big Ten team is about to once again expose the “SEC speed” myth as just that, a myth. That feeling may also be the reason why I have 12 confidence points riding on PSU in my Yahoo Bowl Pick ‘Em group. Oh, and if this game comes down to a final drive, I hope it’s LSU that’s forced to drive for the winning score (for obvious reasons).
Yeah, I know. I didn’t get anything about the Fighting DeChellises’ trip to Minnesota up. I blame the holiday laziness for that. But I’ll be damned if I don’t finish this countdown. If you just started following this countdown, stop cheating and read Nos. 10-7 and 6-4 first.
3. at Northwestern (September 24, 2005)
The first half could not have been any more disastrous: Michael Robinson had thrown three interceptions and fumbled away a promising drive at Northwestern’s goalline. Northwestern took advantage by jumping out to a 23-7 lead before M-Rob calmly marched his team downfield for a late TD to close the gap to 23-14 at halftime.
Everyone remembers how this one ends, but what usually gets lost in the discussion about this game is how that dramatic last drive never should have happened. PSU had already rallied to take a one-point lead midway through the 4th quarter and appeared to have held Northwestern to a three-and-out deep in Northwestern’s territory before a shady “late hit” penalty gave the Wildcats another life on offense, which they took advantage of by driving downfield for a go-ahead field goal.
Now, imagine for a moment if there was no late hit penalty: Northwestern would be forced to punt from deep in their own territory, setting up a PSU team that already had plenty of momentum going with excellent field position and was poised to score another TD and boost the lead to eight points. If that happens, there’s no unlikely 4th-and-15 heroics from tight end Isaac Smolko (who had a reputation for having “stone hands” when it came to receiving) and Derrick Williams doesn’t lose his collegiate TD virginity in the most dramatic way possible. It also means that I’m not writing about this game in the context I’m writing it in.
So, why is this win ranked so high? It’s simple: If PSU loses this game, they’re likely headed towards another five or six-win season after another “so close, yet so far” type of loss reminiscent of the Dark Years and the “JOE MUST GO” chants continue to grow louder and perhaps *gasp* somebody else is stalking the sidelines right now for PSU.
2. at Ohio State (October 25, 2008)
Since joining the Big Ten in 1993, the Nittany Lions had played at Ohio Stadium seven times. All seven times, the Buckeyes sent PSU back to Happy Valley with a sore behind. All but one of those seven times, PSU failed to score at least 10 points, a futility record unlike any other opponent they had faced.
Apparently, the 2008 squad was oblivious to history, as they edged out the Buckeyes in a game that if it were between two SEC opponents, ESPN would’ve described as a “good defensive struggle.” But of course, since this is the Big Ten we’re talking about, both teams set college football back 50 years*. The bad wizards that had been plaguing PSU in Ohio Stadium all those previous years had finally been replaced with good wizards, marking PSU’s first win there since 1978.
* Fuck you, ESPN
Like Northwestern in ’05, everyone remembers the key moments from this game: Terrelle Pryor’s fumble with OSU up 6-3 and looking to seal the deal, Pat Devlin’s heroic effort in spelling for a concussed Darryl Clark and handing the ball off to Evan Royster several times before sneaking the ball in from the goalline himself…Oh and don’t forget Pryor’s last-gasp arm-punt that led to a camera shot of his slumping on the bench which became an internet meme amongst PSU fans (a meme that would ultimately backfire this year, of course. Let’s hope that all the “Terrelle Cryor” crap is buried and gone so we can just think about exacting revenge next year).
And of course, who could forget the greatest Saturday Night Football opening montage ever? If this doesn’t bring a slight tear to your eye, then you’re probably a Pitt fan.
The win of course, thrust PSU squarely into the national championship discussion, one that would be short-lived of course after a trip to Iowa City two weeks later. But I’ve covered that depressing matter enough already…
Thus, we’re now down to the #1 greatest win of this past decade. Can you guess what it is? Go on, take a shot…
1. Ohio State (October 8, 2005)
No shit, Sherlock. Did you expect anything BUT this game to own the top spot? This was the moment when all things PSU football is known for today came to life: Paternoville, White-Outs, the repeated playing of Zombie Nation, Kirk Herbstreit coming out of the closet to pronounce PSU’s student section as the nation’s best, Facebook groups bragging that “I May Or May Not Have Stormed The Field After Ohio State.” Everything that you and I take for granted in PSU football today was only beginning to emerge back then.
More importantly though, this win sent a message to the college football world that PSU was back with a Bruce Willis-like vengeance (‘yippie-ki-ay motherfucker!’) and that the Dark Years were about to become ancient history. Words can’t even describe how amazing it was to witness this game in person, you just had to be there. The team was playing like one that was possessed and out to prove something and it showed when they hit the Buckeyes right in the mouth and didn’t let up.
Despite the fact that Buckeyes kept the game close throughout, you just had the feeling that PSU was going to hang on and pull out the victory, even when the game turned into a defensive stalemate for the entire second half (a PSU field goal was the only scoring that happened) the team appeared to be feeding off of pure adrenaline and the spirited crowd at hand. Even the ‘old folks’ sections were jumping up and down to Zombie Nation, and I doubt anybody was yelling “DOWN IN FRONT!” over there. It was truly a sight to behold.
Appropriately, this is where the countdown ends. This has been a rather tumultuous decade in PSU football, one that started with the worst of times, rose back to the best of times, and now remains in good standing. Personally, I hope things remain a little more steady in the 2010’s…
Apologies for getting this up so late. I also have come to realize that perhaps #10 on the list (Notre Dame 2007) should be replaced with last year’s futility-streak breaking win against Michigan, the Wolverines were just as crappy as that 07 Irish team but beating them was a far bigger deal. I know what you’re thinking right now too: Gee, thanks Captain Obvious! And to that, I have no defense.
Anyway, here’s numbers 6 through 4. By now, you’re probably starting to put 2 and 2 together and figure out which wins you’re about to see covered here. I’ll also make sure to finish this countdown by tomorrow night at the very least.
This win was eight years in the making. Still upset over the way pollsters snubbed their team in the pre-BCS year of 1994, PSU fans carried a strong resentment towards anything Nebraska-related and it showed with numerous “Fuck Nebraska” chants from the student section and the downright hostility showed towards visiting Nebraska fans. For the record: I’m not condoning the PSU fans’ behavior, as it was way over the top, I really did feel bad for the Nebraska fans who showed up just looking to enjoy a good football game and support their team on the road.
Back to the game though: In front of (what still remains) a school record 110,753 people, a sea of blue worn by the PSU fans to help combat the “Sea of Red” that Nebraska’s well-traveling fan base was known for, and a primetime national TV audience, PSU trounced a faux-top 10 Nebraska squad 40-7 to earn their first victory over a ranked opponent in three years. While Zack Mills and Larry Johnson both put on solid performances, perhaps the most notable performance from this game was Michael Robinson’s coming-out party. Robinson produced two rushing TDs on a four carries, mainly reverse plays, making himself a household name. It would be a few more years before he would live up to his household name billing when he QB’ed the 2005 Big Ten champs.
The highlight of the game undoubtedly has to go to Rich Gardner and his timely pick-six that got the crowd into a drunken frenzy and got Gardner a tongue-lashing from JoePa for high-stepping into the end zone. More importantly, Gardner’s heroics killed any hopes Nebraska had of making this game a competitive one. Despite the fact that 2002 was a rather mediocre one (9-4), it did have its share of great moments and the beat-down of Nebraska certainly ranks up there as one of the greats.
5. Ohio State (October 27, 2001)
I’m not even sure if words can help describe the euphoria the crowd displayed after each dazzling play from Zack Mills, who only the week before had led PSU on a game-winning TD drive at Northwestern to give the Nittany Lions their first win of the year after a dismal 0-4 start. Make no mistake though: This was a collective effort from the players to fight back from a seemingly insurmountable 27-9 defecit in the second half, one that showcased every cliché word you could possibly squeeze in to describe how they got their act together and pulled off one of the greatest comebacks in school history.
Oh, and did you happen to know this was JoePa’s record breaking 324th win? You did? Okay then, I’ll just let YouTube take it from here:
4. Florida State (January 3, 2006)
You all know the story behind this one: Two geriatric coaches faced each other for what turned out to be the last time ever, every Florida State kicking stereotype possible was exposed, and then true frosh Kevin Kelly finally put an end to the viewing audience’s misery in the 3rd overtime, barely. Watch the replay sometime, and you’ll notice that even the winning kick was badly hooked and looked like it was going to miss the uprights.
Lost in all the triple OT-haze though are Ethan Kilmer’s amazing TD grab with six seconds remaining in the first half to help put PSU back on top 14-13, after squandering an early 7-0 lead, and Michael Robinson’s fumble late in the 4th quarter with PSU up 16-13 and looking to put the game away with a TD. I feel a lot of folks tend to forget about the latter, if Robinson doesn’t get a sudden case of fumble-itis, this game likely doesn’t go to overtime which means I’m not even writing about this game as part of this countdown…talk about the universe unfolding as it should.
Nonetheless, this win solidified PSU’s first Top 5 finish since the undefeated ’94 season and capped one of the most amazing turnarounds in college football history, going from 4-7 in 2004 to 11-1 in 2005.
With the decade coming to a close, it’s time to for the obligatory “best of the 2000s” reminiscing session that everyone else on the internets happens to be doing. What began with a dark cloud of losing that hampered the program for most of the first five years has given way to the sunny skies of two Big Ten titles and four January bowl trips in the last five years. In between of course, were some downright memorable wins…well, at least, I hope you remember them all. If not, allow me to refresh your memory with what I feel were the ten best of this decade. Today, we’ll take a look at numbers 10 through 7. I’ll try to have 6 through 4 up tomorrow.
The game was a 61-7 blowout that was over before Sparty even took the field. Seriously, MSU was a team in turmoil whose head coach had been fired midway through the season and their starting QB had been kicked off the team for drug use. The QB’s name? Jeff Smoker..I’m not making that up. PSU also was out of the Big Ten title race by this point and things were about to get worse for the next couple of years, so it’s not like there was any good storyline to this game aside from LJ’s vying for 2000 yards.
LJ is now one of the most hated PSU legends due to his attitude and especially after all his numerous shenanigans while playing in Kansas City. People WANT to forget about him. I would say LJ is the most hated legend hands-down, but Matt Millen is neck-and-neck with him after PSU fans got a chance to watch him announce games this year.
We now return to your regularly scheduled blog post:
10. Notre Dame (September 6, 2007)
The hype surrounding this game likely began right after Notre Dame stomped Penn State 41-17 in South Bend the year before. Many fans were pissed not just with the play calling and lack of execution, but also at Charlie Weis, who called for a fake punt run that resulted in a first down with Notre Dame already ahead 27-3 midway through the third quarter. While PSU fans already had their share of disdain for Notre Dame and Charlie Weis before that game, the fake punt call vaulted Weis to ‘dart-throwing at a blown-up picture of his face’ status. Within hours after the game, a Facebook group entitled “Charlie Weis Is A Fat Fuck” emerged, an indicator of just how quickly the anti-ND animosity rose.
Flash-forward to a year later: In front of 108,000+ fans hungry for revenge, the first-ever stadium wide White-Out (dubbed the “White House”), and a primetime ESPN viewing audience, the Nittany Lions unleashed a 31-10 drubbing of the Irish. Adding even more fuel to the 50-foot high bonfire was the fact that ND was starting a true freshman QB named Jimmy Clausen, perhaps you’ve heard of him. Jimmy at the time, had been dubbed “the LeBron James of football” and along with his stereotypical California surfer dude looks, was an easy target for mockery. In true Beaver Stadium fashion, Clausen was able to taste six different samples of PSU’s top-notch turfgrass, as he was sacked six times that night and also threw an interception. The rest of the Notre Dame offense didn’t do much to help Jimmy out either, especially with a punchless running game.
Not to be outshined of course, was Derrick Williams, who had a game-changing punt return for a TD with PSU trailing 7-0 early and not being to get much momentum going on offense, in what has now become a YouTube classic (see video, above). Notre Dame never led again as PSU slowly but surely, pounded the Irish into submission. Little did anyone know at the time that it was the beginning of a dismal 3-9 season for the Irish and that it was also the beginning of a three-year-long exposure of Charlie Weis as a big, fat, phony. Nonetheless, it was a satisfying win in what was otherwise a season to forget as PSU finished 9-4 with a few hair-pulling losses at Michigan, Illinois, and Michigan State.
9. Purdue (September 30, 2000)
Ah, yes: The beginning of the “Dark Years.” The Nittany Lions sported an unprecedented 1-4 record that included an embarrassing home loss to Toledo and a shutout loss to Pitt. To add injury to insult, Adam Taliaferro had just suffered his tragic injury the week before at Ohio State and doctors were giving him little chance of ever walking again. As if all that weren’t enough, PSU had to face a Purdue team led by their Heisman-trophy candidate QB Drew Brees, whom Kirk Herbstreit predicted on College Gameday that morning would “have a field day” against PSU’s defense.
It was practically Armageddon for the football program as far as the fans were concerned, as the first calls for JoePa’s retirement became audible, and everything from the playcalling to the strength and training program were called into question. Hell, PSU was the last non-option-oriented football team to not have a shotgun package in their playbook, if that tells you anything about how grossly outdated the offense was.
Behind a plethora of “We Believe” signs fluttering throughout Beaver Stadium though, PSU played with passion and emotion for the first time all season and pulled out a shocking upset over the eventual Big Ten champs. The offense finally adapted the shotgun, which elicited the most number of ‘holy shits’ ever uttered in one stadium and nearly caused rioting in the streets.
The majority of the credit for this win though, has to go to linebacker Derek Wake (pictured above on the right), who came up huge twice on special teams by tackling Purdue’s kicker/punter Travis Dorsch (pictured above on the left, and ready to crap his pants) before he could even punt the ball, setting up PSU’s offense inside the Purdue 10-yard line both times. The offense would end up making the most of their short field position by scoring two crucial TDs, including one that would ultimately put them ahead for good.
The Boilermakers had a couple of chances to steal an emotional win from the players and raucous crowd but Dorsch missed a field goal with 2:30 remaining and Brees’ last-second mid-field Hail Mary was batted down near the goalline, setting off a wild celebration on the field from the players and perhaps an wilder one in the stands. This marked the first time all year the fans had seen PSU football play PSU football and even though the team went on to suffer their first of the four losing seasons that encompassed the Dark Years, this game remains one that is still fondly recalled to this day. The fact that Brees is still tearing it up in the NFL today makes this a fine win* that gets better with age.
*= Not a typo, since this write-up is already sounding so cliché. I might as well pile on with the cheesiness and facepalm-worthy puns.
8. at Indiana (November 13, 2004)
Just two games remained in what was turning out to be another forgettable season in which a national title-caliber defense was being completely squandered by a church league-caliber offense. At 2-7 and winless in Big Ten play, PSU was staying home for the holidays for the fourth time in five years and the JOE MUST GO cries had reached a fever pitch. Indiana had never beaten PSU before but since the rest of the Big Ten had already gotten in their licks, this was no doubt the best time for the Hoosiers to get theirs in. With one minute to play in the game and IU facing first-and-goal at PSU’s one-yard-line trailing 22-18, it seemed as if PSU football was about to stoop to another futility mark. The defense however, had other plans, as they put together perhaps the most important goal-line stand in program history (more on that, in the next paragraph) to preserve the victory.
At the time nobody realized it, but this win marked the beginning of the rise back to respectability for the program as they would go on to crush Michigan State at home the following week and then proceed to bring in the Derrick Williams/Justin King recruiting class that helped PSU go 40-11 and win the Big Ten title twice over the next four years.
Although us fans have done our damndest to block out the “Dark Years” from our selective memories, we can now reminisce on this contest as one that virtually drove a stake into the heart of the culture of losing that had been permeating around the program for the first half of the decade.
7. at Wisconsin (October 11, 2008)
PSU came into this game sporting a 6-0 record and had been taking of their opponents with little trouble, thanks in large part to a highly talented group of offensive skill players executing JayPa’s OMG SPREAD HD offense to near perfection and a ferocious defensive line led by Aaron Maybin.
Despite the hot start though, many talking head douchebags (i.e. Mark May) remained skeptical of PSU’s abilities, particularly with a seemingly tough road contest looming in Madison against a desperate Wisconsin team that had lost back-to-back heartbreakers against Michigan and Ohio State. Perhaps fueled by such douche-baggery, the Nits flexed their muscles in front of a primetime audience on ESPN, moving the ball at will on offense and shutting down Wisconsin’s vaunted ground game, thus forcing their quarterback, Allen Evridge, to throw the ball. Such a scenario led to nothing but disastrous results for the Badgers, as you can see in the YouTube video above.
The end result of this game was a 48-7 shellacking that turned out to be Wisconsin’s worst home loss in nearly 20 years, but more importantly it showed the rest of the country that this PSU team was one to be taken seriously as not only a Big Ten but also a national title contender. It was undoubtedly one of the greatest ‘statement wins’ put together in modern program history, especially when you consider the reputation Wisconsin’s Camp Randall Stadium had for being a tough environment for opposing teams to win at.
What made this win particularly sweet though, was seeing Mark May begrudgingly rank PSU in his Top 5 on College Gameday Final that night, I wish somebody had a YouTube video up of the “I played for the wrong PA school, FML” look on his face.
However, being able to recruit him to Happy Valley with the UCLAs, Dukes, and Indianas of the college hoops world vying for his services is probably a pipe dream. But hey, it’s Christmas Eve so we can always hope for a miracle of some sort…Right?
Tonight marks the non-conference finale for the Fighting DeChellises as they prepare to take on an American University team that if all goes according to plan, should end up getting beat down like Old Man Potter in the lost ending to It’s A Wonderful Life. This current American U squad is an empty shell of the previous two squads that won the Patriot League and made it to the NCAA tournament, as they’ve lost virtually all of their starters from the previous season and are currently standing at 2-9 and having lost to, brace yourselves…UMBC.
There’s not even a line on this contest, which tells you all you need to know regarding how much anyone cares about this one, myself included. Tipoff is at 5 PM at the BJC and the only alternative to listening to Steve Jones and Dick Jerardi call the game on radio is by allowing the Big Ten Network’s website to commit $2.99 worth of petty theft from your wallet. Seriously, the BTN features streaming video so shit-tastic that you might as well be back in 1999 when the majority of Americans had dial-up internet.
Tonight’s game is also the first of a double-dip of BJC hoops action as the Lady Lions square off against Oakland at 7:30. While I admit to knowing next-to-nothing about the Fighting Coquese Washingtons, it’s good to see that they’re sporting a winning record right now as well, given how dismal the first two years have been for Coach Washington. Hopefully, they can make some noise in the Big Ten like they used to in the now seemingly distant past. You know, before Rene Portland committed hara-kiri against the program by launching her own lesbian witch hunt.
Alright, I’ll fess up: My confidence was beginning to waver when PSU fell behind two sets to none, particularly when they gave up six straight points to blow a 22-19 lead in one of the sets. It’s a good thing the players are cold-blooded though and can’t feel feelings, as they dug deep and pulled out arguably their most impressive of their now 102 straight victories and counting.
State College is looking like the 4th of July right now with fireworks going off, cars driving around neighborhoods with horns blaring. Keep in mind, this is a WOMEN’S VOLLEYBALL match we’re talking about here. If the football team ever wins another national title, the town will probably burn like Sarah Connor’s dream in Terminator 2.
You’re officially on notice, Miami men’s tennis. We’re coming for you…In the meantime though, it’s time to break out an extra-large, extra-spiked batch of Goo Punch!
